I have lived a lifetime in the last two years, or so it seems. Not long after I lost you, I became a Grandmother. The void left in my heart when you died is slowly filling; with every smile, belly laugh, hug, and kiss Bristol bestows upon me. Can you see the joy? Are you here with me?
That day in the garden I felt your presence so very strong. Sitting among the flowers in my memorial garden; watching the daylillies you loved so much dance in the wind, a butterfly floating around… I began to think about all the fun I would have with Bristol in this garden. I pictured us working, playing, relaxing in our little oasis filled with plants placed there in memory of family members gone to heaven; a garden I wanted to be able to share with the whole family. When I could not see you there with us, and realized all you would miss, I began to cry. My tears fell onto the leaves of the Lupine we planted ten years ago at the birth of our little Eden. Focusing on the tear stained leaves, and remembering the day we planted the first flowers, I didn’t notice the small stones at my feet, two tiny pink stones. You were there with me that day. I have two small heart shaped stones you left at my feet to prove it.
I talk to you everyday in hopes you can hear me. Some days I talk out loud, most I speak to you in silent prayer. I don’t always feel you close by, and I understand. You are mourned and remembered by many who love you, and need you still. I want to keep your memory alive. I want Bristol to tell her Great Grandchildren all about you, so I am writing letters to her telling her all about her beautiful, loving, complex, fearless Great Grandma. And because of your love for the written word, I have decided to write to you, and share Bristol with you through letters I hope and pray will reach you on Angels wings.